Sunday, June 15, 2014
Father’s Day
Someone remarked to me recently that
while she and her husband were praying together as they regularly do, my name
came up. The husband mentioned a concern
for me, something specific I was dealing with at the time. I had not told anyone. He had no way of knowing my struggle. Yet this man was praying for me in a way that
I really needed. The Holy Spirit struck
his heart to pray for me.
One aspect of this that brings me
great joy has nothing to do with me. I
was thrilled to hear this woman say, as if it were the most natural thing in
the world, that she and her husband regularly pray together. I don’t know about other pastors, but I love to
hear people talk about their prayer lives.
The majority of time, we live out our
faith in very normal, everyday places – the home, the workplace, the grocery
store, the burger joint. Colossians 3:1
and the verses that follow are lofty, much like the preceding chapters. We have already looked chapter 1, a
definitive statement of the divinity of Christ.
Now chapter 3 feels like we are still in the clouds. “If you have been raised with Christ … set
your minds on things that are above” (v.1, 2).
It sounds otherworldly. This is
far from where we live day-to-day. But
what does it mean for us beyond 11-12 Sunday morning?
Paul gives us some ideas as he
addresses relationships within the household beginning in Colossians 3:18. We go from the heavenly to the mundane, from
the grand themes of “things that are above” to the simpler home life
relationships. Does it seem like this
has come from nowhere? It
shouldn’t. Consider this quote from the Tyndale series commentary.
If a sense of
anti-climax is felt on moving from the sublime picture of the worshipping
church in 3:15-17 to the almost mundane instruction of 3:18-4:1, that is
perhaps a sign that we have not fully integrated practice and belief. It is clear that … the early church took
seriously the necessity of living Christianly in the place where, for better or
for worse, one is truly oneself.
These terse sentences
focus on just that: how to be truly oneself in the Lord as a member of the new
humanity – and how to set other members of one’s family free to be truly
themselves.[i]
Have we fully integrated practice and
belief? Do the words from the Bible that
we read and the prayers that we pray have any effect on how we live in the most
private places of our lives? The woman
told me that she and her husband pray together; it is a normal part of their
married life. What could be more
personal and intimate than and husband and wife in prayer together?
Whether or not we truly live as
disciples of Jesus is tied to how we live at home. It is seen in how we live in
relationships. Not everyone is
married. Not everyone is a parent. Our community is comprised of people who are
many different life situations: new parents; widows; single adults; teenagers;
empty nesters.
Everyone in our community has normal
places of life – where we lay down at night; where we eat most of our
meals. We all have relationships. Even the person who lives alone is a person who
lives in relationships.
In Colossians 3:18-4:1, Paul addresses home
life. I suggest is home we begin the
practice of setting “our minds on things that are above.” We have been raised with Christ. Paul invites us to see the world from the
perspective of Jesus and Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father. Through prayer can we see our family life
with Jesus’ eyes?
If we cannot, then we really can’t see anything
from Jesus’ perspective. Faith that does
not apply to family life is no kind of faith.
Jesus expects to be Lord of our homes.
So, Paul talks a bit about what that looks like.
Beginning in verse 18 is a series of instructions
specifically tied to verbs. The first is
addressed to wives. “Be subject to your
husbands.” This and verses like it in
other New Testament epistles[ii]
have led to a system of categorizing the family. Some believers call themselves
“complimentarian” meaning they see distinct roles for husbands within the family,
and other roles for wives. The
complimentarian system is hierarchical with the husband as the head; he is in
charge and with a nod toward verses like Colossians 3:18, the wife is to
acknowledge that and celebrate her husband’s leading role.
The rival system is egalitarianism. In this one, Bible readers take passages like
Colossians 3 and similar passages in 1st Timothy 2 and 1st
Peter 3, and they see the hierarchical nature of these verses as tied the
cultural world of the 1st century.
The egalitarians are uncomfortable relegating the wife to a subservient
role. However, egalitarians must also deal
with this and similar verses.
In the way I live my life, I would most
definitely be an egalitarian. That said
I want to encourage everyone to understand what this verse in Colossians
means. First, note the command to obey,
given to children in verse 20 and slaves in verse 22. This verb is a different than what is used in
verse 18. Wives are not told to “obey”
as if they are under the mastery of their husbands.
In fact, it is the complete opposite. What is presented in v. 18 is entirely for
the wife to choose. “Be subject … as is
fitting in the Lord.” Remember, we have
set our minds on things above, seeing a Jesus sees where he sits at the right
hand of the Father. What does he
see? He sees a world of husbands who
need to be strong and nothing will bolster a man’s strength like the belief
that his wife chooses to respect him. He
does not have to fight or prove himself worthy.
She is giving that respect. She
is building him up. And most
importantly, she does so willingly.
Ephesians 5:21 helps deepen our sense of what
the New Testament is saying. That verse
instructs everyone in the church – men to women and women to me - to submit to
each other. Submission is mutual for the
sake of building the entire body. One
does not need to be married to adopt a posture of humility. Again, back to Jesus, he humbled himself when
knelt and washed his disciples’ feet. He
gave a model for all of us – humility.
The subjugation of women is something women
give, not something men take. I like the
way the idea is worded in 1st Peter 3:1 in the NRSV: “accept the
authority of your husband.” All of us
can accept the authority of those around us and treat people with deferential
respect. To do so is to honor the view
of Jesus.
Wives, choose to be subject to your husbands. Husbands, love your wives. The root word for love is ‘agape,’ the Greek
verb that specifically meant self-sacrificing love, a love that expects nothing
in return and is given extravagantly solely for the good of the other. One crucial application of this instruction
is that we who are husbands not demand our wives submit to us. The Bible’s teaching for the wife is for her
to “be subject.” It never says, husbands
subjugate your wives. We are told to
love our wives.
How does Jesus see this with his view from
above? He cared for the people of God to
the point that he left the grandeur of heaven to live in a human body in a time
in history when daily life was a grind with few luxuries or pleasures, disease
was rampant and life spans were short. Not only did he become a human being, he
became a peasant, a working class person among a people who were held down by
cruel overlords, the Romans. Jesus’
model of love is one of sacrifice.
Looking from the right hand the father, Jesus
saw a hard world, one especially hard for women. At that time, women needed to have their
worth reaffirmed and their individual identities built up because society was
not doing that. Our society also
dishonors women, but in a different way.
In our culture, women are valued if they are
cover models. As enlightened as we
imagine ourselves to be, we have created an image and we worship it. No real life woman matches what is seen on
the front of the Sports Illustrated
swimsuit issue. Even the women who are
in those photos have numerous things done to accent certain parts of their
bodies for the sake of the photo. Once
the make-up is off and the woman is walking the street like you or I would, she
does not look like the women in the photo.
Men never ask about her heart. They lust after her body. The magazine cover has created something no
wife could ever compete with. And the
woman in the photo, is a piece of meat that excites men as long as she stays
quiet and wears as few clothes as possible.
Jesus sees her as a daughter of God.
He sees the brokenness in her, in men who lust after her, and in all the
men and women broken by our sex-crazed world, and Jesus weeps.
Husbands, love your wives. Jesus sacrificed; husbands give yourselves up
for your wives. Men who are followers of
Jesus, whether you are married or not, refuse to participate in our culture of
sex-obsession. Love all women respectfully,
sacrificially, and as Jesus does.
Sex is a creation of God, a beautiful
thing. However, it is only beautiful in
the context of marriage, a context in which the husband and wife love each
other. In doing so, they love the whole
personAs we age, as hair grays or falls out and weight is gained, the love
husbands give only grows.
Paul specifically says never treat your wife
harshly. We will delve more into this
aspect of discipleship next week when we focus on the Christian virtues
described in Colossians 3:12. For now,
husbands, simply let gentleness be your guide.
This is true for everyone. Look
at how you express yourself. Can our
expression toward others be described as gentle? Are we treating others gently or
harshly? As Jesus views things, what
would he prefer? Religious legalists
around him hammered sinners, damning them to sin. He loved them.
Wives are to choose to be subject to their
husbands. Husbands are to sacrificially
love their wives. All of us are to treat
one another from the position of humility, loving each other gently, and
building one another up. This is how our
discipleship, our allegiance to Jesus, is expressed in daily life
One more word draws our attention, especially
today as it is Father’s Day. Colossians
3:21, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.” It is a challenge in Bible to live out a
negative command. “Do not kill.” Well, I have never murdered, so I guess I’ve
obeyed that one. But have I?
I believe each time we see a negative, a “do
not,” we should search for a corresponding positive so that we are not simply
avoiding a sin, but rather seeking proactive ways to live life as Jesus would
live it. “Do not kill.” Am I doing anything to build up someone’s
life? The one who is truly following
Jesus is not only avoiding the prohibitions but is intentional about doing good
in His name. This is the Spirit of
Matthew 5-7, the Sermon on the Mount.
In the case of Colossians 3, we who are dads
need to look deeper than simply “Do not provoke your children.” If provoking leads the child to bitterness,
then we need to do the opposite. We need
to encourage our children and help them grow healthy, strong, and excited for
life. It is an act of discipleship. When we help our children discover and
develop their passions, when we take interest in them, when our free time is
devoted to making sure they know they are loved, it is a sign we are seeing
from above as Jesus does. That view
leads us to work for our children’s good.
I know many men who are not Fathers who do
this. They volunteer in ministries with
children. They give of themselves for
the sole purpose of seeing kids grow and thrive. And they do it because they think Jesus wants
them to and they want to follow Him. It
may not be articulated as a practical way of living out Colossians 3:2, but
that is what is happening. Our
discipleship is lived in our homes, in our relationships.
Recently my daughter M__, 4 years old,
asked my wife Candy this question.
“Mommy, is Jesus real? Can he
walk? Does he eat?” Candy said, “Yes.” Before she could elaborate, M__ had moved
on to a question about ice cream. At her
stage of development, if someone is real, you can see him. He eats and walks.
As disciples, we create safe environments in
which those around us can ask questions wherever they are in their development. By our love and patience as safe persons we contribute
to the growth of those around us, children, spouses, friends, roommates. We do so humbly and lovingly. As we do, more and more, we understand the
perspective of the one who is at the right hand of the Father. We see what he sees as he sees it. And the people in our lives grow as they come
to know him. Our witness in the way we
live plays a big part in us becoming who we are supposed to be in Christ and in
those around us becoming who they are supposed to be in Christ.
AMEN
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