Acceptance of same sex marriage is
trending in the United States. “There’s
nothing wrong with it.” I hear this over
and over, in conversation, on the radio, on the twitter feed. Of course, people only say “there’s nothing wrong
with it” because so many others are shouting that there is a lot wrong with
it. Many of those condemning
homosexuality and doing so with vigor and vitriol are Christian pastors. Their damning messages come in the form of
sermons. As the drumbeat of acceptance
and normalizing of homosexuality gets louder, the sermons from the conservative
quarter are more forceful, clear-cut, and accusatory.
Thus a situation exists. Either you are for same-sex marriages and you
celebrate that this form of human sexuality is becoming accepted in society;
or, you condemn homosexuality as an abomination, the worst of sins, and a harbinger
of the end times. Either you’re for
same-sex marriages all the way or you hate them and everyone associated with
them. These, it seems, are the only
options.
Recently I was talking with a close friend
of mine. He and I are pastors. We
discovered we have the same problem. We
do not align ourselves with the angry, red-faced pastors who seem to be more
intent on condemning homosexuality than proclaiming the love of Christ. My friend and I, we do not use words like ‘abomination’
when we think about gay and lesbian people.
We’re more inclined to describe our gay friends the same way we describe
ourselves. They are humans, people made
in the image of God, loved by God.
However, my friend and I have reached the same hermeneutic conclusion (‘hermeneutics’ is the practice of interpreting
the meaning of a text).
We have both searched the scriptures. We have found that heterosexuality is
affirmed when intercourse happens in marriage.
There is no scripture that sanctions any form of homosexuality. There are passages that are eternal,
applicable today, not bound by 1st century social customs, and these
passages do identify homosexuality as sinful behavior. This is where our careful reading of
scripture has led us.
So, we sat together bemoaning our frustration that we don’t fit in
the conversation anywhere. Those
condemning all things gay would accuse us of being “too soft sin.” Those celebrating gay marriage would call us
intolerant homophobes. We sat there
together being frustrated, but today, I felt moved in my spirit to take a
different stance.
I do not mean my theology has changed. I would not officiate as the pastor in a
same-sex wedding because I don’t think God wants me to do that. I believe in my heart I would be going
against what God asks of me if I did that.
However, I don’t think it is necessary for me to trumpet this bit of my
theology in every conversation on this topic.
And this is where I am feeling myself moved. I don’t need to shout my position. I don’t need to whisper it. I don’t need to talk at all. I need to take up the posture of a
compassionate listener.
I have had friends come out of the closet. I have had people share the pain and distress
of trying to follow what they had been taught in church and at the same time
feeling same-sex attractions. I have
read books, sat in phone conversations that went for hours, and had in-person
meetings. I hope I have been a
sympathetic listener. But even if I
succeeded, in the back of my mind I was disinterested. I did not hate gays. But I was not full of love – the compassionate
love of Christ. He calls me to love my
neighbor and neighbor love as he defines is inconvenient and uncomfortable
(Luke 10:25-37). I was patient and kind,
but I failed to show the neighbor love Jesus demands of his followers.
What began to shift my thinking was a conversation a few years
ago. A friend listened to one my sermons
on our church website. The next time he
was in our state and nearby, we met as we would anyway, but this time, he had
something to share. He came out of the
closet. And I genuinely felt his pain
and it hurt me. Then and there, I
decided, if he ever got married and I was invited, I would go. I couldn’t be the pastor to officiate, but as
his friend, I could attend out of love for him.
That started moving my needle on how to communicate my own views
in conversations related to homosexuality.
Then today, I watched a video of Vicky Beeching addressing a large crowd
of LGBT Christ followers (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd4jUQxe3Cs). Yes, I believe one can be gay and can follow
Christ. My theology is not perfect nor
is any Christian’s. I think people who
hold to reformed theology are not correct, but I don’t doubt their
salvation. Why would I reject the faith
of a gay Christian just because we disagree on this issue?
I first became aware of Vicky Beeching a while ago when the lead
singer of Jars of Clay proposed that gay marriage is not necessarily
wrong. His entire thought process and
the reaction to it happened on twitter.
At that time, I was just beginning to use twitter. Following Dan Haseltine’s saga was one of the
first twitter threads I read. In the
process, I came across Vicky Beeching’s feed.
I really did not know who she was and I did not know her music. But I paid enough attention to her work to be
interested in hearing more from her.
Then my interest in her as a writer and public Christian personality
faded as other issues crept into my brain.
I do not know what made her pop into my brain today. But, I decided to check out her twitter feed
and saw that she is a musician. I went
to YouTube to hear her music and ended up on the video of her telling her own
story. And I was deeply moved. She is someone who wants to follow Jesus and
is following Jesus with her talents, her personality, and her time. She is a disciple. If someone wants to accuse her of being a
flawed disciple, well, I am too. I
think, say, and do things my Master does not condone. He chides and forgives me and loves me. Jesus did not say I was acceptable after I
conquered temptation. Jesus loves me
when I am at my worst.
And I understand that Vickie Beeching or my gay friends would
insist that their same-sex attractions and in some cases gay partnerships are
not sins Jesus has to put up with. These
Christians do not believe homosexuality is a sin at all. But even if we disagree, we can agree that no
one is a perfect Christ follower. I,
with my views on this topic, must approach someone else who has different views
with my arms open offering an embrace, and my mouth shut, keeping my views to
myself.
Why? Listen to Ms. Beeching’s
story. Living under condemnation was so
torturous for her; she filled her time including holidays with work so she
wouldn’t have to face the tension. If
she stayed busy enough, she did not have to deal with being lesbian and loving
Jesus. The ache in her last from age 12
into adult and was so intense it led to serious physical sickness. Her story reflects the stories of thousands
of believers who want to love Jesus and at the same time feel sexually
attracted to people of their own gender.
Part of the reason this is such a painful thing is the way
Christians have picked out this particular topic and pounded it into the
ground. Does anyone ever say gluttony is
an abomination, the embodiment of evil, and a sign that Satan has come? Gluttony is clearly considered a sin in the
New Testament worldview (Matthew 11:19) and is the opposite of what the Spirit
produces, self-control (Galatians 5:23).
Why is gluttony no condemned? It
is a much more prominent in the United States, a nation of obese, out-of-shape
people. Gluttony is epidemic, but we
have fat preachers condemning homosexuality.
Again, I recognize that there is a movement that denies that
homosexuality should be mentioned here at all because this movement believes
homosexuality is not a sin. I appreciate
that view even if I don’t hold it. All I
am getting at is that we preachers get choosy.
We pick one category (often one we do not struggle with). Then we stay mum on another category (one of
which we are guilty).
Listening to Ms. Beeching, my heart broke for her and for friends
I have known. I thought back to my
conversation with my close friend, the pastor who thinks like me. It is OK if we aren’t heard right now. Our gay friends have been hammered so many
times by pastors; it is OK if they don’t want to hear us tell them we love them
even though we think homosexuality is not quite right. It is OK for us to just be quiet. And I am completely aware that by writing
this blog about being quiet, I am not being quiet. But how
else do you let everyone know you’re being quiet? The irony abounds.
The passage I referenced, Galatians 5:23 is the famous “fruit of
the Spirit” passage. One of the things
produced, the fruit, by the Holy Spirit is self-control. Another is gentleness. And another is kindness. Listening to Vicky Beeching and recalling as
friends have poured their hearts out, I am struck that I need to be intentional
about working on kindness and gentleness.
This is true in all human encounters, and the conversation on
homosexuality is a good place to start. One way to practice kindness and gentleness is
compassionate, empathetic listening. I
think I’ll add that to the spiritual disciplines I practice.
I am grateful I don’t have to preach this week and that break has
afforded me time to heart a great Christian orator, Vicky Beeching, and recall
conversations with Christians trying to follow Jesus. As you have read my thoughts, I pray God has
been at work in you. In my honest talk with God, I believe God is
telling me listen and love the one who is generous enough to invite you into
her story. I think that is what I am
hearing from God so that is what I am going to try to do.
Thank you for sharing your heart in this way. Considered and wise words that will bring comfort and a way forward to many.... Vicky Beeching is a courageous sister who is a beautiful example of what is best in our Christian family...
ReplyDeleteI am a church leader in the UK, and although the 'debate' on this issue is less strident than in the USA, it is no less painful for those hurt by it. Thank you for your wise and compassionate words.
ReplyDeleteGood word Rob. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteFirst, "homosexuality" is not about sex, it is about love. Romantic Love. and a love that is as deep and overwhelming and beautiful as any love is. Got it?, this is not about just sex. And it is my opinion that the condemnation in the scriptures was written by someone who had no idea that love could exist between two people of the same sex (and indeed was probably written in a time and place and cultural situation where romantic love of any kind was not the norm for the formation of a life long relationship. But the deeper question is whether God supports discrimination based on anatomy. Because the issue we are discussing is human anatomy (not masculine/feminine, not whether procreation is possible - I have yet to hear anyone say marriage between a man and a woman in their 70's should be denied because they can't make babies). The actual issue, the actual dividing line is penises and vaginas. And how many of each are present in a relationship. And the more profound question is, in my opinion, why would anyone choose to worship a God who condemns love based on anatomy? Why is discrimination based on gender anatomy any more ok than discrimination based on racial anatomy? (really please I don't want to hear your answer). Thank you for your time
ReplyDeleteRos R, what God do you choose to worship? You said "the the more profound question is, in my opinion, why would anyone choose to worship a God who condemns love based on anatomy?"
DeleteSo tell me about the God you worship.